Change

Sometimes in life, someone or something just floors you. Today was one of those days. It was one of those days in which I had the most amazing and the worst of reactions all at once. 

I was told I wasn’t a very nice person, which hurts, and I know it is circumstances and events and a mutual disjointedness and our responses were both what we shouldn’t really have done in a mature and well thought out way. But it still hurts to think that you have hurt someone. Someone that you never wanted to.

And what I have got from this is change, I need to change and be a better and a different person. I need to be less selfish. More perceptive. More giving and caring and open. I need to make myself more for more people. 

I had a period of time when I had to be, and I didn’t realise how wrapped up in it all I was. How self absorbed and boring it must have been to the people around me. How shallow I looked. 

I need to change. Because right now, I’m fundamentally not a nice person. If one of my closest friends thinks this… then what does everyone else think of me. I must be the shittest person. I must be insufferable.

I need to change. To make more time for others. To be more for more people. Selflessness needs to become me. 

Suddenly it hits you.

I feel very alone all of a sudden. Like there is no one there. Like I am just staring into an empty abyss. There are a lot of faces in my life, don’t get me wrong, but they blurred out faces that I’m not sure will be there for me if I turn around for a couple of seconds, or are not cool enough in the end. I feel like my supposed best friend is holding things back from me, like I’m not good enough for her any more because of the choices that I have made. I feel like because I have followed my own path that many people don’t want anything to do with me… 

I just feel very alone all of a sudden, and like she is stealing everything away from me a bit at a time. And I’m not sure I can deal with that… 

home-is-where-the-heart-is-19:

The loneliest place on earth? The cold side of a double bed. The empty side. The side that used to be hers.

His

thisisnotmyfairytaleendingg:

People who are this cute make me so mad. LIKE JUST MARRY ME ALREADY.

Written down makes everything more real. Means a thought process.

Dear Maximilian Jasper,

Here in lies a clue, for something new.

That you maybe able to decipher.

Good luck.

xxx xxx xxx

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