Sometimes in life, someone or something just floors you. Today was one of those days. It was one of those days in which I had the most amazing and the worst of reactions all at once. 

I was told I wasn’t a very nice person, which hurts, and I know it is circumstances and events and a mutual disjointedness and our responses were both what we shouldn’t really have done in a mature and well thought out way. But it still hurts to think that you have hurt someone. Someone that you never wanted to.

And what I have got from this is change, I need to change and be a better and a different person. I need to be less selfish. More perceptive. More giving and caring and open. I need to make myself more for more people. 

I had a period of time when I had to be, and I didn’t realise how wrapped up in it all I was. How self absorbed and boring it must have been to the people around me. How shallow I looked. 

I need to change. Because right now, I’m fundamentally not a nice person. If one of my closest friends thinks this… then what does everyone else think of me. I must be the shittest person. I must be insufferable.

I need to change. To make more time for others. To be more for more people. Selflessness needs to become me. 

Suddenly it hits you.

I feel very alone all of a sudden. Like there is no one there. Like I am just staring into an empty abyss. There are a lot of faces in my life, don’t get me wrong, but they blurred out faces that I’m not sure will be there for me if I turn around for a couple of seconds, or are not cool enough in the end. I feel like my supposed best friend is holding things back from me, like I’m not good enough for her any more because of the choices that I have made. I feel like because I have followed my own path that many people don’t want anything to do with me… 

I just feel very alone all of a sudden, and like she is stealing everything away from me a bit at a time. And I’m not sure I can deal with that… 


The loneliest place on earth? The cold side of a double bed. The empty side. The side that used to be hers.



People who are this cute make me so mad. LIKE JUST MARRY ME ALREADY.

Written down makes everything more real. Means a thought process.

Dear Maximilian Jasper,

Here in lies a clue, for something new.

That you maybe able to decipher.

Good luck.

xxx xxx xxx

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